Contributor, Philly mom and co-founder of the Nature School of Philadelphia, Sarah Kurliand has a spirited child (no, really, this is real) who doesn’t usually handle screen time very well. So she and her husband came up with a plan. And it might have actually worked.
Being a parent is difficult. I’ll be the first to admit that I was not prepared for the fact that it means that another little person constantly needs my attention. It’s way harder than I imagined. You care more about this tiny human than anyone or anything else in your life, and the constant fear of fucking up your child is twitching away in the back of your mind as you make seemingly mundane decisions all day long. It’s exhausting.
One thing that has been a constant struggle for us has been technology.
You see, my son is spirited. No, that’s not a made up thing, or an excuse for his sometimes horrendous behavior, and perhaps you’ll only believe me if you, too, have a spirited child. They are intense, persistent, sensitive and perceptive. Every minute of every hour of every day. Of course, every child has these traits to a certain degree, but the intensity of a spirited child never dulls. The amount of ongoing energy my son has is seriously impressive. A parent once offered me money at a park because he tired out their 8 year old for them.
So when I got pregnant in February and my energy rapidly dwindled as I fought back nausea, almost everyone told me to stick him in front of a screen and go lie down. But I knew this wasn’t an option for us.
You see, I have tried this in the past in a desperate attempt on the occasional sick day and the outcome scared me. There is something about that screen that triggers something in his brain. He acts as if he’s short-circuiting and completely unravels the moment the screen is turned off. He gets angry, mean and combative. It’s scary and not at all worth it to me.
Also, with the spirited nature comes a bit of obsessiveness, relentlessness and tenacity about things he’s really interested in. Currently, it’s Super Mario. I agreed to purchase Super Mario Maker, which is a thought-provoking game where you can design your own levels and then play them to see if they work. It required problem solving, engineering and reading. Seemed like a win-win. I let him play in short, 20 minute spurts here and there throughout the day.
But every morning, before his eyes were even fully opened, he would ask when he could play which immediately put me in a rotten mood. This went on for 2 months before my husband and I sat down on our day date and came up with a new plan.
- Step 1: Print out a calendar
- Step 2: Eliminate the 20 minute play times throughout the day (too frustrating and not enough time to get anywhere good according to my hubs)
- Step 3: Every other day, he was allotted 1 full hour of playtime between 1 and 2 (our recharge time). The other days, none.
At first, this made me nervous. 60 minutes felt like a long time to let him sit there and play this game. But since the current situation wasn’t working, I went for it.
So. How Did It Go?
That first morning was painful. He woke up, I reminded him of the plan, showed him the calendar and he sobbed for 2 hours. Real tears, guys. But we got through it and when 1pm came he knew where to go and what to do. As the timer went off, he turned off the game with little mumbling. I was shocked.
Day two was much better. No tears, just a few dirty looks that I swiftly ignored, and we were outside by 8:30am! It set the tone for the entire day and it was adventure packed, connected and fun. No arguing over screentime.
By day three, I set the timer and went into the kitchen to prep dinner. I heard little footsteps approaching and looked at the clock, there were 24 minutes left of his play time and he had decided to turn it off. All. On. His. Own. He wanted to help me make dinner. I cried happy tears (also, hormones).
All along I thought I was doing a good thing by only letting him play for 20 minutes here and there, but he desperately needed us to set healthy boundaries. This shift in our schedule has completely changed our household dynamic for the better.
Sarah Kurliand is a Wife/Mama/Yogini/Writer who spends her days adventuring around the Philadelphia area with her crazy boys. She is the Co-Founder of The Nature School of Philadelphia and is passionate about living a healthy lifestyle, discovering new places & living a life that leaves the world better than the way she found it.
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Photo by Kelly Sikkema