Child and Family Coaching‘s Brandi Davis notes several things we can do to help our kids have healthy relationships with their bodies and how they see themselves.
Victoria’s Secret billboards, Hollywood leading ladies, and even CARTOONS, you know you have gasped at those belly baring Bratz Dolls. REALLY? And how about Strawberry Shortcake and Rainbow bright losing all those pounds over the years? GOTTA KEEP IT TIGHT GIRLS!!! Teeny tiny ladies are everywhere presenting us with the ideal body to strive for. It’s hard enough for us grown gals to deal with those looming images, but let’s not forget who else is peeping at those impossibly photo-shopped and DRAWN goddesses. Our kids. We can’t shield them from what the world is projecting, but we CAN do our part in our homes to counter that message that “when you’re thinner, you’re a winner”. So how can we fill that strong body image bucket for our girls, and boys? Here ya go:
Rethink Your Reasoning
“I’m not wearing THIS. Ugh, I look enormous.” How many times have we said this or a version of this? How many times have we said it in front of our KIDS? We can’t always silence those judgy voices in our heads, but we CAN control what escapes our mouths. No, we do not have to commit wearing every outfit that we put on, but we can choose less damaging and judgmental words for the reason that we are changing out of them. “I am not feeling green today.” “I think I want to wear a dress today instead.” “Hmmmm, not excited about this choice.” When we say that we look fat, or gross, or awful, we hand deliver to our children the message that the only way to look good is to be as thin as we can because society, our minds, and unwittingly our own words say, “when you’re thinner, you’re a winner.”
Evolve Your Eating Language
“Oh no, I’m not eating the burger. I need to fit into a dress next week.” “Oh, no, I don’t eat that.” It’s fine, even great and essential to eat thoughtfully. It’s important to eat real and healthy and nutrition packed foods. Our body needs fuel to do all that we do. But, there are days when you want that burger or pasta or ice cream. They taste good and its fun to eat treat foods. If you are taking a break from pizza, cookies, and chips at this time, awesome, but no need to talk about said foods in negative ways that will make your kids doubt the beauty of their body shape when they are eating the same foods that you are denouncing. Talk to your kids about nutrition and nutritious choices. Tell them how some foods make us strong and fast and others slow us down or make us feel jumpy. Talk about what food does to the body, but less about how it will make you look if you eat it, especially when you are talking about the three fries you stole off of your partner’s plate. We all know they will do nothing to change your figure; they are THREE FRIES.
Other phrases to watch out for are: “I am not eating anything else today, or ever.” “I’m not eating bad foods right now (foods are not good or bad).” “She does not need to be eating that.” Words can be powerful, so chose them wisely being that most of the world is telling us AND our kids “when you’re thinner you’re a winner.”
No one is perfect and we all let things slip, but when slipping is the norm, our kids use those damaging phrases and thoughts upon themselves. They learn that the value of a person comes from how much they weigh and how they look. That above all else being slim is the key to happiness, because when we get thin we can go shopping, take that trip, start dating again, go out for that job, be ready for the reunion…
Having a healthy body and eating nutritious food IS important, especially for small growing bodies, BUT we all come in different shapes and need to strive for OUR individual healthy body. My curves can only slim down so much and my love of good food (and the gift of a man who is a master at cooking it) keeps me from achieving the body of my dreams, and I am starting to be OK with that. I am also discovering that it is time for my dream to change, time to embrace my curves and the few extra pounds that happiness and having a good time can bring on. We all need to band together to fight that good fight against the idea that “when you’re thinner you’re a winner”. When you are healthy and happy, THEN you are the real winner and a great role model to those kids in your life.
Brandi Davis, ACC, is a certified Parenting Coach, Parent Educator, and Author of O.K. I’m A Parent Now What? She can also be found on Facebook, Twitter, Pinterest, and be sure to catch her parenting podcasts on iTunes. The goal of Brandi’s practice is to bring respect, calm communication, teamwork, and FUN into the home or classroom. To discover all that Child and Family Coaching can bring to your family stop by www.childandfamilycoaching.com.
Photo by Ashton Mullins