In an interesting turn, our former Philly editor shares her thoughts and advice about what NOT to get or give a new or expectant parent.
Your friend or loved one has just given birth or become a parent and so, “you gotta see the baby!” What do you bring? What do they need?
Or, you’re pregnant and trying to figure out what to put on your registry. Where to begin?
Well, I can’t really tell you what you need. I have two children who are 3 and 5 years old and I still don’t know what I need most days (besides coffee and wine), but I have had some time to think about the things you don’t need when you’re adjusting to a new baby. So, with invaluable input from my husband, I offer my top 6.
1) Baby Bathtub Thermometer
There are lots of frivolous baby products out there, but for some reason, this one bothers me more than most. I saw one years ago that was like a little rubber ducky, but it turned red if the water was “too hot.” Let’s think about this for a moment, shall we? Is there any reason you can’t just test the temperature of the water with your hand the way you do when you take your own bath or shower? Call me old fashioned, my parents did just fine with that method and I don’t think any of us were ever scalded because they didn’t have that d*mn rubber ducky in the bath with us.
2) Baby Bathtub
In a similar vein, let’s talk about the plastic baby bathtub. Someone gave one to us when I was pregnant the first time. My husband wanted to return it and I was horrified. What? How will we ever bathe the baby without drowning her? The nervous new parent in me responded with fear and anxiety. How will I be a good parent without lots of “stuff” to help me? I’ll never be able to give the baby a bath without some kind of plastic contraption! I refused to allow that tub to be returned and it gathered dust until I finally got it out and used it once (there’s an Instagram photo somewhere to prove it) when my firstborn was 4-5 months old. And then I gave it away on my neighborhood listserv. Other than that, I bathed my little ones in the sink, or just wiped them down with a washcloth when they got too cheesy. Guess what? So far, my children have survived and remained relatively clean.
3) Frilly Dresses
I swear this is not my anti-tutu bias manifested with this one. Newborn babies are tiny. They barely fit into the 0-3 month onesies. So why, oh why would we bury them in uncomfortable ruffles and frills that are tough to put on and miserable for the little one? Sleepers, onesies and baby legs, people. That’s really all a baby needs. Save the frills and tutus for when they can pick them out on their own while you try not to cringe at their choices. Until then, just keep them cozy and warm and forget the fashion nonsense.
4) Flowers
Don’t get me wrong. I love flowers. I love receiving the occasional bouquet from my husband and my girls or buying them myself at Whole Foods as a splurge when I’m grocery shopping. But when a family is first home with a new baby, they don’t need flowers that will quickly droop in the vase, scatter petals on the table that likely won’t be cleared off for weeks, and not provide any purpose other than looking pretty. If you want beautiful, you have a baby to coo over. In those early postpartum weeks, mamas don’t need flowers. But, if you insist on bringing a bouquet, it better come with a carton of diapers attached. And, not newborn diapers, either, because those fit for five minutes and then one day when you try to put one on, it’s too small, and you don’t have another option (I’m not speaking from experience at all). Bring a carton of size 1 or 2 diapers when you visit that new family. Or, better yet, if you want to bring something perishable into the home of a newborn, it better be food, because those parents are probably sustaining on bananas, peanut butter sandwiches and takeout.
5) Baby Wipes Warmer
What? I’ll admit, I was drawn in by this concept briefly when I was diapering my first baby. The same way I’m taken in by the concept of a radiant heated bathroom floor or a towel warmer. But, let’s ask ourselves if it’s really necessary to to have warm baby wipes to get through the day. Next thing you know, there will be a complementary thermometer to check the temperature of said warm baby wipes before they touch baby’s bum. Also, it takes up valuable space on the changing table and either needs batteries or has to be plugged in. Cross it off your list. Honestly, though, I still haven’t given up hope on the towel warmer for my master bathroom.
6) Unsolicited Advice
Does this one really need an explanation? Parenting a new baby is hard. It’s hard on moms, dads, marriages, and wallets. But it’s not insurmountable. And families do find their way. If a friend asks for your advice, kindly and carefully give it to them. But don’t offer it unless asked. Honestly, the only thing a new parent needs in those early days and months is to hear words of love and encouragement. Because chances are, they already think they’re screwing up in every way imaginable. Or is that just me?
A Child Grows in Philly editor Mollie Michel is a South Philly resident and a Philadelphia public school parent. A recovering non-profit professional, Mollie is also an experienced birth doula, Certified Lactation Counselor, and the mom of two awesome girls and a sweet pit bull named Princess Cleopatra. In her spare time, she is usually trying to figure out how Pinterest works, training for a(nother) half-marathon with her dog at her side, or simply trying to keep up with her increasingly wily daughters.