We often joke that Mother’s Day is EVERY DAY of the year for those of us chasing around our kiddos unshowered, under slept, covered in food bits, and surviving on a “healthy” diet of coffee, wine and cheese (or is that just us?). But, how can we take back Mother’s Day – ourselves, our identity, our bodies? Brandi Davis of Child and Family Coaching has some great advice.
Mother’s Day is here. Again. Yup. Maybe you will get a kid made breakfast in bed, or some slippers, or a few moments of downtime. There is nothing wrong with any of that but what if you could get a gift that would last ALLLLLL year? This Mother’s Day, think about one thing that you want to take back this year. Think of the one (or more – think BIG) thing that you gave up and really miss. Things that you no longer do, say, or ask for; things that are sucking away you and your energy – and just do it. That will be your Mother’s Day gift.
Is it your body? Do you want a few moments where no one is hanging on it, climbing on it, demanding it? Set boundaries and limits. Be clear when you need to take your body back. Tears will ensue but only for a little while. By taking your body back you will gain more energy and enthusiasm for what the day holds. Maybe you want more time to share said body with the one that you love. How can you make that happen? Can you send the kids on a sleepover? Can you sneak in a staycation at a local hotel for a night? How can you give your body, and relationship what it needs? Maybe you want to get your body into shape. That doesn’t mean making you a size 0, that means being able to get up a flight of steps without gasping for air; it means feeling strong and able. Make the time. How? Swap sitting times with friends. You sit a friends kid while they work out and they sit yours while you do. If taking back your body is a priority, DO IT.
Is it your time? Do you want to take back some of your time? Do you feel like every moment of the day is owned by someone else? Look for spaces where you can steal a little bit of time back. List the things that you do in a day and start delegating. You don’t have to do it all. Have kids put their own clothes away and clean up their toys. Do you have big kids? They can empty dishwashers and do their own laundry (yes, really). Talk to your partner and divvy up jobs. Women tend to go, go, go, and take it all on: lunches, dinners, carpools, birthday parties, repeat. Start splitting up family responsibilities. Schedule a night out with friends, hand over bath time, morning kid duties, whatever it is to gain a little more time for yourself. I always say, if you give all of yourself (and time) to your kids, you will have nothing left to give. If taking back some time is a priority, DO IT.
Is it your parenting styles and choices? You want to breastfeed? No, it didn’t work for you? FINE. You work outside of the home? You stay at home with the kids? GREAT. You eat only organic? You eat healthy, but just love chips from the vending machine? AWESOME. It is your family, so do it your way. There are so many resources that are out there to support you, me included (yup, shameless plug there), and information is great and super helpful, but in the end how you parent is up to you. No one is in your home, no one knows what goes on there, so no one needs to give you unsolicited advice. What makes those folks offering all of that unsolicited advice so qualified? They have a few kids? Well, so do you. Everyone is headed down a different path with a different set of teammates, so no one can really know what is BEST for you and your family. If unsolicited advice is handed your way, find your power and say, “No thank you. My family does it this way.” Having a village of people who know and love you and whose ideas you trust and value is wonderful. Asking for ideas and new strategies is important and key in times of frustration, but in the end YOU decide what ideas and advice fits best. If taking back your parenting style is a priority, DO IT.
This Mother’s Day, take back pieces of your life that are priorities for you. You are not just a mom, you are a woman, friend, wife, partner, and those parts need to be fed as well. Find what you need so that you can stay energized and healthy. Mom’s do not have to do it all, give it all, or put up with it all. Happy Mother’s Day to all the mom’s out there, you are doing an amazing job. Head to the comments section below and let us know what YOU are taking back this year.
Brandi Davis, ACC, is a certified Parenting Coach, Parent Educator, and Author of O.K. I’m A Parent Now What? She can also be found on Facebook, Twitter, Pinterest, and be sure to catch her parenting podcasts on iTunes. The goal of Brandi’s practice is to bring respect, calm communication, teamwork, and FUN into the home or classroom. To discover all that Child and Family Coaching can bring to your family stop by www.childandfamilycoaching.com.